26 February, 2012 | Leave a Comment
8:47: Another year of film ends. I hope you’ve enjoyed the live blog. Thanks to SpliceGirl for her help. Now I think I’ll go read a book…
8:37: The Artist should have its Oscar revoked because of this boring-ass acceptance speech.
8:36: SpliceGirl: “Weinstein is a fiend! He wins everything! He has a marketing machine bigger and better than any other!”
8:35: The Artist wins. What a surprise. Why does this bore me? I have no interest in seeing this film.
8:32: Of the nine Best Picture nominees, I’ve seen four: The Tree of Life, The Help, Moneyball and Midnight in Paris. Of these four, I think that Moneyball is the best film. SpliceGirl and I both think that The Artist will win. She thinks that Hugo should win. Here we go…
8:31: Strange to see a real actress win for a change. Go Meryl.
8:30: Viola, don’t be sad. You did a great job as Vincent D’Onofrio’s nemesis in that one episode of L&O: Criminal Intent. And also in The Help.
8:29: Whoa. Meryl Streep wins her 90th Oscar. I really thought Viola would win.
8:26: Best Actress. Bring it on.
8:24: Colin Firth. Snoooozzzzzzzzzzzzze.
8:20: Dujardin thanks his wife, now SpliceGirl says he’s losing his allure.
8:18: SpliceGirl is happy that Dujardin won. I’ve never seen him in anything, so I have no opinion.
8:17: GO AWAY NATALIE PORTMAN. STOP TALKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:14: Natalie Portman is so full of herself! Announce the winner already.
8:13: Best Actor…here we go…
8:10: SpliceGirl thinks the dead person montage was the classiest one in decades. Thank goodness people weren’t clapping for the most popular dead person. That’s always so tacky.
7:54: SpliceGirl: “Scorsese always gets shafted. The man is a visionary!!!!”
7:52: Here we go with Best Director. The director of The Artist takes it. SpliceGirl predicted that, but wanted Scorsese.
7:50: Michael Douglas. SpliceGirl calls him “the human lizard.”
7:47: Final acting awards coming up. In the women’s category, I’ve only seen Viola Davis’s performance in The Help. She and Meryl Streep are the frontrunners. I think both of them deserve it. In the men’s category, I think Brad Pitt should win. Yes, I surprise myself, but he’s in a lot of movies I like and I think he’s a good actor and deserves it for Moneyball. But apparently it’s going to be Clooney or Dujardin. We shall see soon…
7:43: Docu about Pakistani women just won. Cool! [Called "Saving Faces."]
7:37: The Academy voters are 77% male. 94% white. Average age 62.
7:33: Did the Academy actually watch Midnight in Paris? Dan Brown writes better than that.
7:31: Maybe Woody didn’t show up because it’s illegal to marry your step-daughter in the state of California?
7:30: Woody Allen wins for Midnight in Paris…one of the worst movies I’ve seen. Woody didn’t even show up. Loser.
7:29: Best Original Screenplay…not Woody Allen, please no…! …drum roll….
7:27: The Descendants writers won…the guys are mocking Angelina’s sad f— me pose from a few moments ago. Ha ha!
7:26: Best Adapted Screenplay. Finally…the writers!
7:25: Angelina gives the finger to Jennifer Aniston. Wow, that is not classy at all.
7:24: Angelina Jolie. Queen of Hollywood and the reincarnation of Jesus Christ.
7:19: Will Arnett in a commercial! ”I’ve made a huge mistake…”
7:16: Will Ferrel with cymbals. Odd.
7:13: SpliceGirl: “Ugh, Owen Wilson, I tried to kill myself, I’m not a heroin addict who accidentally OD’d”
7:12: Ooh, I like Penelope Cruz’s dress!
7:09: I had to take a break…Tylenol desperately needed. I wonder what Angelina is on? Something stronger than Tylenol, it looks like.
7:05: I bet Whitney H. gets a lot of applause.
7:05: SpliceGirl: Who will tastelessly get the loudest applause during In Memoriam? I vote Liz Taylor!
7:03: SpliceGirl: “Angelina looks like she’s about to drop dead”
7:02: He’ll always be Captain Von T to us…Go Chris!
7:01: Christopher Plummer won!
6:59: SpliceGirl wants it on record that Kenneth Branagh is a pig for cheating on Emma all those years ago. We hope he doesn’t win.
6:58: Best Supporting Actor. We’re all predicting Christopher Plummer will win…drum roll…
6:56: Hugo wins for Best Visual Effects. I’m glad Harry Potter lost.
6:53: Ben Stiller looks like a tiny little troll next to Emma Stone.
6:52: Melissa McCarthy…yay!
6:48: SpliceGirl: “Rango was not very good.”
6:47: SpliceGirl accurately predicts that Rango takes Best Animated Feature Film. I’ve never heard of it!
6:45: Chris Rock…ha ha ha! Trashing Hollywood prima donnas.
6:43: SpliceGirl outraged at Best Docu win. I missed what it was. Yes, I agree with SpliceGirl, the winners seem like gross frat boys. Get off the stage, hosers!
6:40: Gwyneth Paltrow, my least favorite actress. But Robert Downey, Jr. is with her, so that makes it less bad. And he was mocking Tim Tebow. So, yay.
6:35: Cirque du Soleil performance…time to go downstairs to get some salted chocolate carmel ice cream. [Acrobats ain't really my thing.]
6:34: MISS PIGGY!!!!!!!!!! Love!
6:28: Hugo wins something else sound-related. SpliceGirl: “yay!!! i’m so happy hugo is getting some love, i thought it was going to get shut out”
6:27: Hugo for sound editing. SpliceGirl: “hugo is taking all the technical awards…love it!”
6:24: Girl with Dragon Tattoo for the win. SpliceGirl thinks that David Fincher’s editors are amazing. [But that acceptance speech was pretty pathetic.]
6:23: Best Film Editing! SpliceGirl’s field.
6:19: LOLZ. ‘Wizard of Oz’ focus group skit. Priceless. Featuring Christopher Guest and his usual group of actors. SpliceGirl is screaming right now.
6:15: Too bad for Octavia Spencer. Her career is doomed now.
6:14: Octavia practically hyperventilating. I would too if I were standing next to Christian Bale.
6:12: Octavia Spencer wins for Best Supporting Actress. No surprise there.
6:11: I hope Melissa McCarthy wins for Best Supporting Actress, but I don’t think she will….tense moment…
6:10: Christian Bale! And he’s speaking in his real accent. <swoon>
6:09 SpliceGirl thinks that they cut to Steven Spielberg during Iranian filmmaker’s acceptance speech on purpose, which was “tasteless.”
6:07: The Axis of Evil for the win! Iran takes Best Foreign Film.
6:06: Sandra Bullock presenting Best Foreign Film. SpliceGirl loves Sandra.
6:04: Me, SpliceGirl and William think we saw J.Lo’s nipple when she was presenting. Accident or on purpose?
6:02: Commercial break. Gee, live blogging isn’t easy!
5:58: The Iron Lady wins for best make-up. SpliceGirl thinks this is very well deserved.
5:54: Cameron Diaz. ACK!!!!!!!!!!
5:51: Too bad I missed Sasha Baron Cohen as “the Dictator” dumping ashes on Ryan Seacrest.
5:46: Hugo won another award! I haven’t seen Hugo yet, but I really want to see it. I can’t wait.
5:45: My co-commenter here is my sister SpliceGirl, film industry insider. And unlike me, she’s seen all the nominated films.
5:44: SpliceGirl: Yay, Hugo won already!!!! [for cinematography...]
5:42: My co-commenter SpliceGirl would like to acknowledge that Jean DuJardin is “hawt.”
5:38: I like Viola Davis’s green dress… [Oh, come on! I get a few dress comments...]
5:37: James Earl Jones. YAY!
5:35: I missed the red carpet — I was eating dinner, which is much more important than watching a lot of overpaid prima donnas prance around for the cameras. [I should probably mention now that my Oscar comments will be cynical and bitchy.]
5:30: Glad to see Billy Crystal hosting. He hosted it when I was a kid and he was the best. Classic.